I started having bloody show when I woke up at around 9:30 am on January 12th and had been having contractions all night long. Amy and I timed them on and off all day, they were more painful than usual and were coming between 8-10 minutes apart. By around 3 pm we were both positive that today was finally the day and got everything ready to go to the hospital. I’d wanted to wait at home as long as possible before leaving but it had been snowing for two days and the roads were pretty bad so we left around 5:30 before it got too dark and stopped at Perkin’s for something to eat before we checked in. while we were at the restaurant my contractions were consistently 5 min apart. The OB that I wanted least was on call and my usual doctor wouldn’t be there until 8 am. They put me in an exam room on the labor and delivery floor and after being told I was “foolish” for not planning on having an epidural because I’d “never had a child before” and “didn’t know what I was talking about” by my nurse I was so upset and crying so uncontrollably that my contractions had almost stopped entirely and when she checked me my cervix was closed. They sent me home and as soon as we started driving back my contractions were back to being around five minutes apart.

When we got home we tried to get some sleep because we knew we’d end up back at the hospital later that night. I couldn’t lay still in bed so I tried to have a glass of wine and relax but the contractions were so intense that I couldn’t. Amy came in the bathroom with me while I took a bath and finished my drink and my contractions were around 4 min apart. Finally around 2 am we decided to go back to the hospital. When we got there again I went to the bathroom and Amy let my new nurse know that we’d been in earlier and I’d had a really rough and negative experience with my previous nurse so I was really nervous. This nurse was WONDERFULLY kind and cooperative with my birth plan. She checked me in the exam room and I was already 4cm dilated so they gave me my own room right away. I wanted to get in the tub right away but the monitors were showing her heart rate decelerate with my contractions and she wasn’t having any good accelerations so I had to stay out until they were confident she was doing okay. Thankfully I didn’t have to stay in bed though, I felt most comfortable standing. I hadn’t eaten since around 6 pm so I thought maybe if I got something in my system she’d start moving around again. I drank two glasses of juice way too quickly and had Amy leave to go tell my nurse to unhook me because I had to pee. The second she left the room I started feeling nauseous and when walked back in with the nurse I TRIED to say “I think I’m going to throw up” but it all came out with “I…”

My doctors hadn’t told me, but apparently I’m Strep-B positive so I had to have a 30 minute IV of antibiotics for that and then a different 60 minute antibiotic for my heart. By the time my sister in law Heidi got there (I have no idea what time it was) they were ready to let me get in the tub… I felt relief IMMEDIATELY after getting in and wanted to stay there the entire time. There were jets and there was one right on my back, which was amazing because I was having very intense back labor. A lot of the things that I’d planned on doing during labor didn’t end up happening. I had access to a birthing ball and birthing stool but wasn’t comfortable on either. I was allowed to eat but couldn’t stand to eat anything except a few fruit snacks while I was in the tub. My usual OB doc arrived at 8 am and asked me if I wanted to have my water broken. I was at 7-8cm and felt like I was doing alright, labor had been progressing well so I declined. I was in and out of the tub three or four times, I had to get out periodically to be monitored. When I wasn’t in the tub I was standing, rocking back and forth from foot to foot. I’m grateful for having my doula and Heidi as my support, but didn’t want them doing anything for me, I felt better dealing with the pain on my own. Just having them there was comforting for me and I asked them to be silent almost the entire night. Anything rhythmic helped me get through the contractions. Even when I wasn’t in the tub I stayed in the bathroom with the portable monitor on so I could listen to the jets on the whirlpool. Sitting on the toilet was comfortable and I kept being drawn back to it, I think your body is just used to relaxing and opening itself up when you’re on it (the birthing stool could’ve worked too, but it was too short for me). I hummed and moaned quietly during my contractions, and was able to just breathe through some of them when I was in the tub, even during transition. I tried to work with my contractions instead of “deal” with them. When I had one I would focus on telling my body to relax and accept what was happening and whisper to myself that I was opening up and that Bea was on her way. The contractions had a definite rise, peak, and fall, so when each one peaked I felt a lot of relief and kept telling myself “almost over” until the pain went away. I was lucky to be in the bathtub during transition. The contractions were right on top of each other, sometimes I barely had enough time to relax and catch my breath before another started. During that time I pulled myself up on the handicap bar behind my head and lifted my body with my left food wedged in the corner of the tub, suspending myself in the water and letting the jets hit my back where I was feeling the pain. I had to get out of the tub again to be monitored, which scared the crap out of me because I was started to feel like I couldn’t do it anymore. I remembered that when you get to that point it usually means that you’re in transition and you’re almost done anyway. Everything on the monitors looked fine so after 20 minutes they were going to let me go back in the tub. I started walking back to the bathroom but had a contraction so I stopped in the door way and suddenly felt my body PUSH and I made some sort of really loud grunt. The nurse ran in immediately and asked if I was pushing and I said, “I’m not TRYING to!!!” So… no more bathtub. I got on the bed and she checked me and said I was 9, almost 10 cm dilated and could push if I wanted. I told her I’d rather let my body do the work. Two contractions later my waters broke while I was pushing along with my body doing it involuntarily. The nurse tried to check me again and said she could feel the head. I put my fingers inside my vagina and could feel her hair, it was unreal!!! My OB finally arrived right before Beatrix was crowning and sat on the end of the bed, showing me how to massage and stretch my labia while he massaged my perenium to prevent a tear. I think I worked with 2-3 more contractions before I decided that I wanted her out and pushed on my own. I pushed hard through 2 contractions, made some of the loudest deepest grunts I’ve ever heard in my life, and the next thing I knew she was on my belly.

It was AMAZING.

Amy and Heidi were sobbing hysterically. I couldn’t believe how SMALL she was. They clamped the cord and I asked Amy to cut it. Bea and I stared at each other while the nurse wiped her off and I rubbed the vernix into her skin. They let me hold her for over an hour before taking her away for newborn procedures. She nursed from each breast before she ever left my belly and latched on wonderfully. I hardly even noticed the placenta being delivered or my doctor examining me for tears. My perenium was completely intact and I only had a small internal laceration which got 2 stitches. All of the newborn procedures were done in my room in and she never had to leave until she had a bath (which they also offered to do in my presence but I was ready for a nap). I only slept for about an hour. When they brought her back I took her into bed with me and she stayed there for the rest of my hospital stay, I didn’t sleep much though, I couldn’t take my eyes off her for a second. The only time I was able to get any sleep while in the hospital was when they took her for her bath, when they took her pictures, and when they did her hearing test. I was allowed to leave only 24 hours after she was born, and was home by noon on Friday morning.

Beatrix Jane was born on Thursday, January 13th at 10:28 am after 25 total hours of wonderful natural labor (about 14 hours active labor) and only 22 minutes of pushing. She was five days overdue but only weighed 5 pounds 11 ounces and is 18.5 inches long.

Labor was SO much easier than I anticipated, I’m so grateful that I had such a positive experience. Everything progressed quickly without any complications and now I have this BEAUTIFUL, HEALTHY daughter that I can’t get enough of. I have a serious, serious case of post-partum JOY and have been bursting into happy tears multiple times daily. Nursing is going GREAT, she has a perfect latch and I’m not experiencing that much soreness. Right now lanisoh and my boppy are my best friends on the planet.